When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
