he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
