I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
