Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
