im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
