so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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