Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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