Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
