I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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