i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is wine microwaveable?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
