Will you blow on my dice?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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