well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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