the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
