conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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