new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
