smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
