I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
