Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
