i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
