How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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