When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
