I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
