fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
