hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you win again, gameday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
