it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
