New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want nice things and good sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
