Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
