i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
