I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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