Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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