Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
