it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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