Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
