She went from zero to smokin in five shots
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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