Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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