it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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