I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
