you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
