Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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