he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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