sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
