normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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