My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
