my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
