I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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