I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
