I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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