There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
