I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
