If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
