Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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