I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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