i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
