I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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