Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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