remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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