Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize