Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
