So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just pee around me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
