he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
