you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
