i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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