That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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