Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
