I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
