is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
