it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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