ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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