Heybabeimwearingurpanties
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The best revenge is premature balding
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
