Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize