I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
