I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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