I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
