I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
