My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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