Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
