I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
