I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
