If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
