Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
