My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
