I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i came on her dog
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
