dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
