I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we're so committed to being not committed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
