can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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