HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
