I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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