So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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