Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
